So grown up.

My first baby is now a toddler. She has lived (survived) a year.
We found out she was coming, and it was a surprise. I felt so grown up in that moment.

"I'm pregnant... I thought you had to be certified or something. So this can just happen to anyone huh... I thought I'd be like... mature... hmmm... how is this going to work. I feel so.... grown up!"

When my baby bump actually started looking like a bump. People started noticing. 

"Well, it's really happening. As if all the ultrasounds weren't enough. This baby is growing. She will be here soon. I don't feel any more mature... in fact I cry more now. I feel so grown up."

Then she came. At 11:20 on Saturday January 7, 2012 she came to us. Healthy as ever, and even more beautiful. 

"That wasn't bad at all! There she is... she's perfect. Is she really mine? This must be when I start maturing. I have a baby. She's perfect. I feel so grown up."

I took her to her 2 week doctors appointment all by myself. There I was, loading her into the car, tiny as can be, fragile and wonderful in all her perfection. I lugged her car seat into the doctors office. Sat patiently while watching her just sleep peacefully. 

"Here I am. Alone at a doctors appointment for... my BABY. I feel like I just graduated high school... I need to be strong for her when she gets her shots today. Sigh... I hate shots. I can do this. I need to do this so she can do this. Wow. I feel so grown up."

It was summer. We were out shopping, because well, we were bored. 

"I'm at the store. I have a baby, ha! This is so funny. She's so cute. Man, she's getting BIG! She can roll over and sit up now! She'll be walking within weeks! Yikes... that went fast... Just me and my baby, shopping at Target. With my baby. I love her. I feel so grown up."

Now, here I am. Sitting in bed. Looking at pictures of the day you were born. Tomorrow I will take you to another doctors appointment, where yes, you will get shots. I will be strong for you because I love you more than anything. We will also go to the store afterwards. Me and you. Then later you will walk all over the house, just because you can. You are my first born. My baby who is now a toddler. You look so different from the first day you came. Your movements are smoother, more controlled. Your eyes look around with purpose. You love to learn. Reading books, dancing, laughing, making faces. You look so much older. Your piggy tails definitely help with that. My tiny human, you are so big and always growing. You make me smile a million times a day, you make every day my favorite day. Taegan, you are so healthy. I mean you've had your colds and what not, but we are so blessed and happy that you are healthy. You can be pretty loud, and we love it. I would hate a super quiet house. You love to babble, you excel in saying "dadadada" "mamamama" "nananana" and making wonderful coos and noises. You took to walking like a duck to water. You still hold one hand up in the air as if we are still holding on to one of your hands. Peek-a-boo is your favorite game. You will start a pick up game with strangers while we are out. You can't hold in your burst of sound whenever you come out from behind your hiding place. You also can't contain your excitement so you pop out right after you'd gone into hiding. It's a very speedy game of peek-a-boo. You are a performer. When people are watching you do this throaty, choppy fake laugh that makes every bust up! Then you look around with satisfaction. You most often do "mean face" when there are lots of people around. You tilt your head in the most endearing way when you feel like acting coy. You love to read books. Just today I saw you walking into your room and after a few minutes it went silent. I peeked in and you were flipping through  book, in a complete trance. You are smart. You love to use your fingers. Sometimes I will feed you and you will take it out of your mouth, pinch it in your fingers, then put it back in. You are a playful girl, you love babies and doggies. Whenever you see one you say "EH!" and point. You love your daddy. You love to dance to his guitar songs, and help him keep rythym by pounding on the guitar as he plays. You are so grown up. I feel so grown up. 

Now I realize (well, starting to) that growing up isn't just one magic moment and all the sudden you understand everything. I guess it's the little moments that you get to make a decision. "I can get so mad right now.... ah. I won't. Just chill.", "The house is super messy, sigh, oh well I'd rather read with Tae." or "Tae is so sick... what is the best thing to give her, what should I do?"

All those moments and more are making me just a TINY bit more mature. I suppose that's it. It's my best guess!

You are growing up.

Looks like we both are.

You are our best thing.

We have the best adventure.

Happy Birthday Taegan Louise.

~Mommy