Time and looking back.

I'm sitting on our futon, it was a wedding gift from Shane's parents, we've been married for almost 3 months. Shane is playing guitar, I just submitted an english paper. I'm now 20 years old, and Shane will be 23 in a month.
When I look back, high-school seems so hilarious, carefree, and full of good memories. Thats why I get lost looking back. My freshman year of college was all late nights, Betos runs, and way too many pictures along with lots of failed class, but I would not give it up. Thats why I get lost looking back.
At this point I feel stressed. Stressed about accomplishing everything I want to become and experience in my life, and trying to fit it all in so soon, because I'm afraid I wont get around to it later on. Worried that I'm wrong, or that my gpa wont be high enough to maintain my scholarship, or worried that I dont have all the necessary qualities needed for all the titles I hold. Scared that I will forget good memories from my past, scared that I will pass time with stupid things when I should be doing a million other things, scared that I will hurt people's feelings. Scared that I'm not doing the best I can in everything.
This is not a "Debby Downer" post! So hold on cause I'm getting there!
But while reading a book (Tuesdays with Morrie) and also just pondering on life and all its wonders, I realized that all those time periods that I look back on are so great but its because I look back on all the good things, and have forgotten the sad or bad things (unless I learned a great lesson from them). And that is exactly how this stage in life will be. I may feel stressed and worried about dumb things, but in 3 years when I look back I wont remember that one night I cried cause I was so tired of doing math homework! (well I might now because I wrote it on here... but you get what I mean. haha.) I wont remember how stressed I was about trying to develop all my dream talents, or even remember how many times I was late for work. But I will remember how many times Shane and I watched X-Files into all hours of the morning on a school night, and how many crazy things the kids at work said, and how many times Shane made me laugh and we made up another weird song with our "lisp" voices.
I seem to remember all the good times and all the things that brought about something positive. That is how it will be in the future. So why am I worrying right now? Not to say you shouldn't worry about getting good grades, but I mean come on! You gotta have fun too! Priorities still need to be straightened out and cared about.
I will probably still cry every time I listen to "Stop this Train" by John Mayer or "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift, but I think thats okay. Cause after I cry, I wipe my tears and smile about something else.
Sigh... growing up ain't so bad right?! Haha! Its about time I started making head way on this problem I've had since I graduated high-school.
Well :) lesson learned, and I'll probably keep on learning on this same subject.
"Keep on keepin on"
"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
p.s. dont shun me because I like Taylor Swift songs!
Bye :D

1 comment:

Kayla said...

in the middle of reading this, I DID start thinking about "Stop this Train" and then a few sentences later, you mentioned it! Great Minds think alike! and I also love that song, it makes me cry as well. it's so good! I'm glad that you can acknowledge the fact that you are frustrated/stressed, but that you can also realize that life is good and you have great memories and a great hubby to be around! I love you Minny!!! and don't feel embarassed, I love Taylor Swift's newest CD, it's genius!