Negative comparisons.

I can't be the only one who has compared themselves to others that they follow on a blog or FB or instagram. I know that because it comes up all over FB.
"Life isn't perfect so stop acting/blogging like it is!"

I have almost stopped following all blogs because of this.
It didn't start off that way when I first started following blogs. And it wasn't as bad as I may be making it out to be, I just got tired of pushing those thoughts out of my head.
I went on a blog following hiatus.
While on this hiatus I realized that it is okay to blog, it is okay to show fun things that you do and it's not the bloggers responsibility to bring the readers back down to earth.
Yes, it is annoying if people are being "fake", whatever that may mean.
But I think we as readers need to either not read blogs, or be realistic.
Do we want people posting sad things all the time?

I know that when people post sad things all the time people get annoyed with them (atleast on FB). They are dubbed as annoying and "so negative".
But people who share happy things all the time are dubbed "perfect"? (perfect in a negative way)

No body is perfect! Let people share what they share. And readers can either read or ignore. Am I right?

Example 1.
I took these pictures of my window sill. (I think it's cool, don't feel obligated to think it's cool)

What you DON'T know is that under this window sill is a GIGANTIC PILE OF SUPER NASTY DISHES!!!!!!!!! Why? Because right behind me is a BROKEN DISHWASHER that has stagnant water in the bottom. Yummy right? Why don't I just wash my dishes by hand day by day? BECAUSE I'M LAZY!
Do I want people to post about nasty smelly dishes and stagnant stinky water? Not really.

Example 2:
Yummy pizza right?
Actually it's quite doughy because (turns out) the heating element on the bottom of our oven is broken, hahaha! Funny, I think so. Something to post about? Probably not. Unless I'm posting about how our new apartment wasn't ready to move in to, haha!

Example 3:
Cute pic right?

Tantrums are real people. Just because people don't always post about them doesn't mean they don't happen.
:) chin up people.
Our lives rock too.

*** sidenote. I am in no way trying to imply that you all think my life is really cool of perfect. Also, I am a mom blogger and my words or not scripture or fact, just my opinion. bye :)***

Daphne's Birth Story

It's been almost a year since Daphne was born, so hopefully I get this spot on.

Throughout my pregnancy my doctor kept mentioning how small my bump was.
At one point she told me to eat ice cream once a day to put on some weight, which was, as you'd expect, a very enjoyable task.

Me, eating icecream (doctors orders)                      Tae and I on St. Patricks Day, my 20 week mark

                           

On July 10 I went in and Daphne was measuring really small. I wasn't due until July 28, but she was worried that she was too small and wasn't getting the nutrients she needed. She told us to come back a week later and they would measure again. If she wasn't any bigger then they wanted to induce me so we could be sure that she was getting fed and was healthy.

On July 17, we went to the doctor, leaving a pretty well cleaned and organized house behind, incase Daphne was coming that day.
Turns out she hadn't grown much more. The doctor said "If we don't induce you today, we will induce you on Monday." Shane and I decided to have me induced that day.
BABY DAPH WAS COMING!

This was taken outside the doctors after we found out I'd be induced in 2 hours!
Sidenote: I didn't buy any maternity clothes except this one denim shirt and the maternity leggings. I wore this and one other shirt for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. Haha! I'm cheap.

 We took Tae over to her Aunt Jaime's house. We told her that we were going to the hospital and her baby sister was coming that day! We had talked to her a lot about baby Daph, but we weren't sure how much had actually been understood.
I teared up a little when I left her there. There I was, a mother of one, about to become a mother of two. I wrote a huge journal entry telling Taegan how much I loved her and that she was my best little friend. I was scared that my heart wouldn't grow, it would just divide my love. Turns out, it grows.

We stopped and got a Subway sandwich on our way over because I did not want to be starving to death and only be able to eat ICE CHIPS! So I devoured a 12 incher.
When we finished with that we stopped at an arcade because... why not? We had a half an hour to kill.
We played skee ball and an alien shooting game (classic). We had enough tickets to win Tae a little green frog. I actually know where it is now, which is impressive.

We headed over to the hospital.
They got me in and hooked me up.
I hate needles. But when I'm pregnant they don't seem that bad because it's for your baby. However, I.V.s are evil. No way around that.
They put me on a pitocin drip and some antibiotics because I was postive for Strep B. It's been so long that I have no idea what that is. But the antibiotics were FREEZING. One of the things I remember most is how cold my whole arm was. I kept asking for more and more warm blankets for my arm.

While we waited we listened to Bon Iver and continued watching The Office. Pretty relaxing.
Oh minus contractions but, what ev.
Haha. Just kidding.
With Tae I labored for 5 PAINFUL hours and didn't progress at all.
THIS TIME I got to a 5 or a 7... can't totally remember but either was I was SO proud of myself!
Next baby (no, I'm not pregnant) I'm going to shoot for even further!
I got the epidural.
This time around it was heavier on my left leg. I had to lay on my side to get it to spread to my right leg more. This epidural seemed heavier. I couldn't feel/move my legs as freely as I did with Tae. But it was all good.
We kept waiting...
I know we facetimed a couple people.
We sent some pictures of ourselves to Jaime to show to Tae.
At one point I started crying. Because, again, I was scared. I didn't want to love Tae less. I just wanted my heart to grow bigger.
Shane hugged me and assured me that my heart would grow, and that I can love another baby as much as I love Tae.

I was induced at 1:00 pm. By 7:50 I was feeling huge contractions and I felt like a needed to push.
The nurses kept saying "Hold on, the doctor will be here soon!" I could tell they were trying to make it seem like it wasn't a huge deal, but I knew that I needed to get pushing.
My doctor arrived and I pushed through 2 contractions and at 8:20 pm, little Daph was born.

**Don't look at the pictures below if you don't know or don't want to know what a baby looks like right after it is born**

 She weighed 6 pounds and 6 ounces. Not as tiny as we thought :) which was a good thing.

She is so perfect.

 Uncle Janson and Aunt Nae brought Tae to the hospital. She was very excited to meet her baby sister.

 Our first family pictures as a family of four.

Taegan kept pushing my head down so I could kiss her.

 12 hours old.

Here we are now.

10 months later.

Taegan and Daph are best friends. Unless Daph wants some of Tae's yogurt covered raisins.

Naturally they get in some tussles and Tae shows us how "kong" her muscles are by picking Daphne up. But that is sibling love I guess.

They are best buds now and I hope that continues.

Then: 

 Now:

Music Monday- and ramblings on life

Sometimes growing up really stinks.
Most of the time it's the best, and it's hard and it's challenging and your grow and you can see it.
But sometimes it's the worst kind of hard.
The hard that pops up in your mind throughout the day.
A big thing, or a million tiny ones.
The hard that makes your ribs hurt when you try and breathe your way through it.
The hard that makes your feel like you don't know who you are anymore.
Looking in the mirror becomes more than just a quick check on what you look like, it becomes more of a "where am I going?" look.
A long, long look.
The hard that kicks tears out your eyes throughout the day when you keep trying to not remember it. You can't forget it, but you can try to not remember. They aren't the same thing.
The hard that is responsible for any tears your pillow soaks up.
It doesn't matter what your "hard thing" is.
And maybe you don't have these same symptoms as I do.
But it can be hard.
The worst and the best part is that you know if you do it right then one day you will look back.
You will see that the "hard thing" was really the best thing.
Hard times get us moving when we normally would choose to stay still and never budge.
It's a forceful stretch, and it hurts and it feels like you are breaking, but you're not.
Even if you do, you come back stronger.
It takes a while to see that part. The good part.
When you look in the mirror again and you realize you do know who you are, and you never really forgot. And you see your strength.
You are stronger.
Then you are proud. Proud that you made it.
You passed through the dark part and in those few seconds you know you can do anything.
That's the best part about the hard part.
There will be more hard parts, but you can do anything.
You can do anything.
Anything!!!
You just have to do it right.
You just need to be strong.
Not all the time, but most of the time.
That's life.
That is growing up.

Now, listen to this song and cry your eyes out.


John Mayer- Stop This Train

Click here to listen and cry.

Standing back.

Lately I've been letting your venture on your own. I try and let you work on walking through the sandbox on your own so you can get some practice. I watch from a distance as you laugh, point and babble to the older kids on the playground who so graciously let you into their forts. You love to watch them and listen to them tell each other what to do.
I hold myself back when you want to walk ahead of me and discover things first.
I stop myself from doing things for you, like putting a lid on, closing a door, or stacking blocks when you want to do them on your own. I want to help you, but you know how to do it. I need to let you learn on your own.

Sometimes it makes me sad when you run ahead and don't want to hold my hand. But you still point and look at me in amazement when you find something new.
You still run to me with wide open arms and laugh when I pick you up and swing you around.

I knew this was coming, ya know, you growing up.
Everyone warned me it was going to come.
But there isn't anything I can do to stop it.
And I don't want to stop it.
Even though it's hard that I'm not ALWAYS right there with you, I'm still always right behind you.
I love you so much Tae.
I'm so glad that you can run and laugh and play without having to have me right by you all the time.
You are comfortable with yourself, the world and what you are doing.
I hope you are always like that.
You are beautiful and smart and perfect.
You should never have to feel uncomfortable.
You are so you. That is all you need to be.

I also hope you always remember that sometimes when your dad and I do step into your life, it's because we want to show you a good way, a successful way to do something, to over come something.
I pray that I will know the right times to step in and when to let you learn on your own.
We will always be right behind you if you fall, or if you find something new.
But unless you need help, we will be right behind you, standing back, watching you learn and live.

You are my favorite Buns.
My sweetest Tae.
My loviest love.

Remember that we love you.
Love Mommy

 You started your own rock collection on the back porch. So I grabbed a bowl to store them in.

Some rough tines...

According to all the developemental guides I've looked at, they suggest that by age One the parents stops using baby talk. (You all know what that is right? That annoying way that everyone talks to babies, but if you don't do it you might be considered a psychopath? Ya got it.)
HOWEVER, I LOVE TALKING IN BABY TALK!
Listen, I did baby talk before Tae came into our lives. I did baby talk before I was married. I did baby talk in high school! Not all the time, it was just one of many "voices" I used. (Don't lie to yourself, you all know you did that. And probably still do.)
This transition that will benefit Taegan is so hard on me! I have some very special words that I adapted just for this baby talk language. For example, I say "time" or "times" a lot. "Oh, this is hard times", "are you having a rough time?" "what a fun time!" blah blah improper english blah blah don't care. The catch is, in baby talk mode I say "tine" rather than "time". "Sad tines" "grouchy tines". It's addicting. You use this rule for most words that have an n/m, you just switch it. My favorite word is "Balentimes" (Valentines) I can't wait for Balentimes day.
It's a sickness.
And I need a cure.
I doubt think they have anything cooked up for this yet.
I don't think that Shane even knows how bad it gets, but when you are home alone with a baby for long long amounts of time, things happen, and these strange words are said.
So as a continue on my journey into "adult talk" I hope that I can remember patience, and that I will once again have another baby to talk "baby tines" to.
Welcome to the world of weird problems you never thought you'd have, aka Parenthood.

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong - because someday you will have been all of these."
- George Washington Carver

 

What year is it?

How many moms out there have been sick, WHILE their babies are sick.
(me me me me me!)
I'm sure it happens all the time. But when it's happening to YOU, it's probably the worst day of your life.
The worst of the worst is when you DON'T KNOW what is wrong with baby! It's heart breaking and SO worrisome.
After today I honestly can't wait to go to bed and get some sleep. What year is it? What happened today? Who am I? I'm tired.
So kudos (why do I keep using that word?), to all you mom's who survived double sick days. And kudos to doctors and modern medicine.
Can I get an amen!?



 

So grown up.

My first baby is now a toddler. She has lived (survived) a year.
We found out she was coming, and it was a surprise. I felt so grown up in that moment.

"I'm pregnant... I thought you had to be certified or something. So this can just happen to anyone huh... I thought I'd be like... mature... hmmm... how is this going to work. I feel so.... grown up!"

When my baby bump actually started looking like a bump. People started noticing. 

"Well, it's really happening. As if all the ultrasounds weren't enough. This baby is growing. She will be here soon. I don't feel any more mature... in fact I cry more now. I feel so grown up."

Then she came. At 11:20 on Saturday January 7, 2012 she came to us. Healthy as ever, and even more beautiful. 

"That wasn't bad at all! There she is... she's perfect. Is she really mine? This must be when I start maturing. I have a baby. She's perfect. I feel so grown up."

I took her to her 2 week doctors appointment all by myself. There I was, loading her into the car, tiny as can be, fragile and wonderful in all her perfection. I lugged her car seat into the doctors office. Sat patiently while watching her just sleep peacefully. 

"Here I am. Alone at a doctors appointment for... my BABY. I feel like I just graduated high school... I need to be strong for her when she gets her shots today. Sigh... I hate shots. I can do this. I need to do this so she can do this. Wow. I feel so grown up."

It was summer. We were out shopping, because well, we were bored. 

"I'm at the store. I have a baby, ha! This is so funny. She's so cute. Man, she's getting BIG! She can roll over and sit up now! She'll be walking within weeks! Yikes... that went fast... Just me and my baby, shopping at Target. With my baby. I love her. I feel so grown up."

Now, here I am. Sitting in bed. Looking at pictures of the day you were born. Tomorrow I will take you to another doctors appointment, where yes, you will get shots. I will be strong for you because I love you more than anything. We will also go to the store afterwards. Me and you. Then later you will walk all over the house, just because you can. You are my first born. My baby who is now a toddler. You look so different from the first day you came. Your movements are smoother, more controlled. Your eyes look around with purpose. You love to learn. Reading books, dancing, laughing, making faces. You look so much older. Your piggy tails definitely help with that. My tiny human, you are so big and always growing. You make me smile a million times a day, you make every day my favorite day. Taegan, you are so healthy. I mean you've had your colds and what not, but we are so blessed and happy that you are healthy. You can be pretty loud, and we love it. I would hate a super quiet house. You love to babble, you excel in saying "dadadada" "mamamama" "nananana" and making wonderful coos and noises. You took to walking like a duck to water. You still hold one hand up in the air as if we are still holding on to one of your hands. Peek-a-boo is your favorite game. You will start a pick up game with strangers while we are out. You can't hold in your burst of sound whenever you come out from behind your hiding place. You also can't contain your excitement so you pop out right after you'd gone into hiding. It's a very speedy game of peek-a-boo. You are a performer. When people are watching you do this throaty, choppy fake laugh that makes every bust up! Then you look around with satisfaction. You most often do "mean face" when there are lots of people around. You tilt your head in the most endearing way when you feel like acting coy. You love to read books. Just today I saw you walking into your room and after a few minutes it went silent. I peeked in and you were flipping through  book, in a complete trance. You are smart. You love to use your fingers. Sometimes I will feed you and you will take it out of your mouth, pinch it in your fingers, then put it back in. You are a playful girl, you love babies and doggies. Whenever you see one you say "EH!" and point. You love your daddy. You love to dance to his guitar songs, and help him keep rythym by pounding on the guitar as he plays. You are so grown up. I feel so grown up. 

Now I realize (well, starting to) that growing up isn't just one magic moment and all the sudden you understand everything. I guess it's the little moments that you get to make a decision. "I can get so mad right now.... ah. I won't. Just chill.", "The house is super messy, sigh, oh well I'd rather read with Tae." or "Tae is so sick... what is the best thing to give her, what should I do?"

All those moments and more are making me just a TINY bit more mature. I suppose that's it. It's my best guess!

You are growing up.

Looks like we both are.

You are our best thing.

We have the best adventure.

Happy Birthday Taegan Louise.

~Mommy 

Writing the word.

Even before Taegan was born, people would say "It's so weird that you will be a mom!" or "Can you believe you're going to be a mom?"
Yes yes, it is very strange that becoming a mom can happen just that fast! Even though 9 months doesn't seem short when you are pregnant (nothing does), it seems like a word that carries so much weight would take longer to become what it is. 

Mom. 

Mommy.

Mother.

Mommasita. (my favorite)

When the word Mom comes to my mind my thoughts are immediately brought back to MY mom. Not me. I'm sure that will change when we have more kids and that's the name I hear most of the day, but right now, it just didn't seem like it was ME.

Until the other day.
This Christmas has been so much fun. It is so fun preparing to buy and actually purchasing baby Tae's Christmas gifts. Although she will probably be more interested in the boxes and wrapping, it's a tradition in the making. 

I was wrapping Tiny's presents the other day. When it came to write the gift tag, I had to pause.

I almost wrote  From: MarLyn and Shane.

No no no.... that's not right.... I'm her..... mom.

So with a burst of newly discovered excitement I scribbled Mom and Dad down..... 

We are her parents, her mom and dad.

I hope to one day be the mom that my mom was and is to me, and my mother-in-law is and was to Shane.

I hope the word "Mom" carries lots of happiness when Taegan says it in a few decades.

~Braids 

For Moms.

My good friend Rondi posted this article on Facebook.
I read.
I loved.

It is short but a nice reminder for moms.
Here it is.

~Braids

Peace.

Taegan. If only every person in the world could be with you when you wake up, then they would never be sad again. If every person in the world had that opportunity then anger, hate, and fear would cease to exist. Peace would cover the earth and warmth would fill every heart that ever had any sort of rhythm. Your sounds are like dove coos and your cry is a perfect imitation of water dripping. If only I could freeze time and multiply the happiness I feel when I'm with you and watching you and send it in the mail to any one who is heartbroken. You are my sunshine and my night light. I love you so much. You are the most beautiful creature imaginable. I love you forever.

Postitive Body Image

Hey all.
We were on vacation yesterday so no Music Monday, and today I'm sick. So there MIGHT be a Tiny Tuesday.
I just wanted to post this article I found. It's right here, 15 Tips for Raising Kids With a Positive Body Image.
I don't actually agree with ALL the tips, but most of them I really like and agree with.
I won't go off about how frustrating it is when I hear little kids talking about them being "fat" or not skinny enough. Or how people assume that skinny means healthy. UGH! Anyways... just know that I think it's the worst thing in the world...
Enjoy!
~Min

What is one of the hardest parts about parenthood? Probably... when your baby is crying and you don't know why. Is she sick? Does she have a bubble? What could possibly be wrong?
Taegan is an incredible sleeper, (atleast from stories of other babies, haha) We are really lucky to have such a good sleeper. But that past few nights, when its time for bed, she gets so upset. She is usually fine while being held, but she flips when we lay her down. Tonight we tried a new approach. Daddy plays guitar and sings to baby Tae. IT WORKED! Luckily I have such a smart and talented husband :). While Shane sang and strummed soft songs to her, I sat on the floor. I began to feel frustrated, but I luckily stopped myself.
I asked myself, "MarLyn, what would you be doing if Tae had fallen asleep peacefully an hour ago?" "Probably watching Big Bang Theory with Shane." I responded to myself. "Okay, although that is fun, are you going to remember that in a few years?" "No...." I responded again. "You're right! It isn't motherhood with out some nights like this. And this is a story you can tell Tae when she's older... this is special, TV is not."
It was a good night. Taegan is now sleeping peacefully, lulled to sleep by her amazing father.
And NOW we are watching TV.
I love being a mom.
~Min

What you do...

What you do when your baby won't sleep unless she's being held during the DAY...

What you do when your baby won't sleep unless she's being held during the NIGHT....

                                                       Pray REALLY hard!
                                            and... it's okay to cry a little, haha!

I have tons of pictures and stories to post... but right now I need to do other things :) so we'll catch up later.
I will leave you with a song.
The Shins, coming out with a new cd AND coming to concert! Sigh... love these men. Thank you James Mercer for existing.
Listen to this song.
Bye!

Mom problems.

Mom Problem #1

Using your toes as tweezers to reach your phone that is at the end of the bed, trying to not make any big movements because baby just fell asleep.

New name and a show.

Do you like our new name?! I love it! Shane reorganized and updated the pictures and everything. And I got on and was totally surprised! Our friend Jadie took the picture, and there are more to come of Taegan. She's so good! I love her pictures and I can't wait to see more.

On Saturday morning, Taegan decided she didn't want to go back to sleep after a 6 o'clock feeding. So in order to entertain ourselves and baby, we had a shadow puppet show!

Taegan is now 4 weeks old! The fastest 4 weeks of my life... She makes the cutest/funniest sounds, and has smiled a few times, (even though we don't know if they are real smiles...)
I'm gonna go clean the kitchen. Bye!